''It's Complicated'' Sequal

It’s Complicated. Propaganda voices in his spoke word piece. “It’s Complicated, but so is a star…’’

As I listen to his spoken word, my heart seems to resonate with each word. Wondering how he was reading my mind. Like how did this guy seem to get it so well and those I talked to on a daily basis didn’t? Or did they, and were they just too scared to say it? Were they too scared to admit that their doubts and their questions came from the same place of broken humanity as mine did and that we were…in fact… the same. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Since being 12 and deciding I was too grown for my own skin I’ve been a black and white thinker. It’s all one way or all another. It’s wrong or it’s right. I’m the kind of girl who timed her Instagram usage down to 54 seconds a day, runs the same route every day just to count the seconds shaved off each mile as my feet memorize each bump in the road, isn’t settled until she’s sweated half her body weight out in a workout and studies the recommended 4 hours for every collage credit. I’m structured, I’m tense, I have a plan and life is simple as long as I follow it.

But then I’m also the girl who finds herself wasting 2 hours of sleep time on YouTube watching rich girls go on shopping trips – routinely. Who finds herself winging tests and trusting some inner genius to keep her GPA up while she hangs out with friends and works out 1, 2,3 – even 4 hours a day. Or who changes her plans 5 times in one summer and lets her Bible lay on her desk unread…  It leaves me laying on my bed wondering how the two versions of me are supposed to get along.  

And then there is faith. I’ve been the girl who can preach a good sermon, prove almost any point and convince almost anyone she’s a good Christian girl with all the answers - Then I go home, turn off the music, turn off the lights and wonder how in the world some people talk to Jesus like He’s their best friend and how I just try to make sure He’s still there.

And so, the longer I’m around, the more experience I have, the more I think about what Propaganda had to say…

‘‘…you are wrong, and right, and confused
It's complicated, but so is a star
A flower, a quasar, a friendship, a marriage
May we be refuge for the complicated…’’

For a long while I have thought it is a sin to ask questions. Like I need to have all the answers and questioning God and life might be wrong. But then I realized – when we are born, we are not downloaded with all this ‘‘pre-knowledge’’. We could have any parents and they could tell us anything. We can’t just go with it because people say it is right – we must check it through the word of God. And honestly, Christian’s might have the biggest questions because we have the most challenging God. He made us intellectuals. He made us to think, and He’s so big and so complex that we will never run out of questions for Him or us.

So often we view religion as a badge of honour. So often we look at church as a place to dress up and get nice, gold stars for in heaven for knowing so much. So often we see church as a place for the righteous. But this is all wrong. ‘’Let us be a refuge for the complicated’’ Let’s put down our facades and talk life out, let’s ask our questions and together, open the Bible and find a God who ‘‘While we were still sinners, God sent His Son to die for us….’’